Testimonies

At the beginning of June this year my 6 week old son, Freddie died. It was the most traumatic thing I have ever had to go through and I felt so lost and alone. I rang numerous helplines and tried to access counselling but not only could I not access the counselling as it was too early on in my grief, the helplines just weren’t helping me. Talking to family and friends didn’t help for long as they soon got back to their ‘normal’ lives and I was still feeling so alone in my grief.
I attended a support group with a charity which I didn’t find particularly helpful either but whilst I was there, another bereaved parent talked about Finding Rainbows and how incredibly helpful they were for her. I looked them up and got in touch a few weeks later. I spoke to Natalie, the founder of Finding Rainbows and within 5 minutes she had explained what she could offer me to help with my grief and had booked me in for my first peer support session. Not only that, she then took the time to talk to me about my loss and how I was feeling.
I have since had 2 peer support sessions with Natalie and have found them both very helpful.
I feel that Finding Rainbows is a charity that every bereaved parent should have access to and the help and support they offer.

After suffering my losses. And just being sent home from the hospital with no after care. As 'these things just happen' they tell me. The devastation taken over my life and I was no longer the same person. I had nobody to talk to or even understand, then I fell pregnant with my rainbow and all I could feel was dread too scared to go toilet, so scared to even say the word pregnant. Terrified to go to a scan just waiting for the day it happens again. The happiness and joy of what a pregnancy should be is taken away and each day is high anxiety. I had passed finding rainbows lots of times but was too scared to go in. But it's the best thing I ever did they are truly life changing people. I don't feel like an alien anymore if I'm having a bad day. My rainbow baby is celebrated, whilst I have daily struggles of being too overprotective and the fear something is going to happen to my boys. They provide me with support and get togethers for rainbows and their siblings too. Which is massively important for them to know how special they are. I will never be the person I was and finding rainbows makes me know that that is ok. I wish I had found this place whilst pregnant but so glad they are in my life now. 

I would like to thank finding rainbows for a fantastic service.

The support we have received since losing our twin baby in July 2020 has been phenomenal and I don't know what we would have done if it wasn't for finding rainbows being there for us.

They have helped us through very low times and still always there, whenever we need them.

The staff are very kind and caring. Unfortunately finding rainbows is a very busy service and they are needed 24/7, without them, grieved parents would be lost, this would put a bigger strain on the NHS as it would have a big impact on people's mental health and they would have no where else to turn. 

Thank you again for all the support.

Kind regards

I am a bereaved mum and volunteer for Finding Rainbows in Ashton Under Lyne. 

I write to you as I am very worried about the possibility that Finding Rainbows after 10 years of supporting its community may be lost forever. 

In 2020 myself and my husband lost our son Samuel at birth, he was beautiful, he was perfect, and he was ours. 

I've never known darkness and anger and pain like it, and after 5 losses before losing our son and almost three years on, it's still there, our lives have grown around the grief, but it's there, and will be forever. 

Sadly, I only found finding Rainbows approximately 18 months ago, and to say they have been a lifeline and helped bring back my confidence and given me a purpose is putting it mildly. 

Before Natalie and Lisa came into not only my life but our family’s life, we didn't know what to do, I certainly didn't, when you lose a child, you lose not only your beautiful wanted and loved child but the entire future with them. 

Almost no one recognises this, but Finding Rainbows do, they care for every individual’s experience and journey, as everyone’s different. 

They offer emotional support, either by the groups they run or through having an open door policy to bereaved families at their building or by visiting your home, no other charity does this, and it's essential, absolutely essential this continues. 

I couldn't face leaving my home besides walking to the shops and back when restrictions lifted after we lost S, because the thought of having to speak to people, interact and continue to pretend I was fine was too much for me. 

Natalie and Lisa and the other bereaved parents made me, and still make me feel, safe. 

After a huge trauma feeling safe is hard, as you feel scared by everything, you fear you will lose all your loved ones and that nothing is ever safe or things will always be dark, that there is no point, or purpose to anything. 

Not only do you lose your child and the life they should have had, but there are secondary losses, as others can't cope with your grief, others don't k ow what to do, so you lose, family, friends, sometimes your job, relationships break down, all while grieving for your child, it's horrific. 

Finding Rainbows don't tell you everything will be OK, as they know that's not always the case, they don't pretend, they ride and sit by you through every agonising event, whether that be a fight against the hospital, anniversary's, birthdays, they will be there to talk to all day and night when the christening you have to face is soon, or you have been invited, or even not invited to a baby shower you feel you have to go to. 

They are the only ones who have told me I'm aloud to be angry, I'm allowed to be fed up. 

Having said this, they will not allow me to give up, they praise me when I think I do nothing, and they give me a purpose when I feel lost. 

They get to know each person and know what works for who, for example I need someone to tell me to visit them on particular days and to help them with greeting people, or crafting, or cleaning or raising vital funds so bereavement boxes can be made and sent out, otherwise I'll just sit at home, and they know for me that's no good for my mental health or physical health. 

What also means so much is that they don't just focus on mum, they focus of the dad's, the grandparents, the siblings, everyone is affected by baby loss and it's unheard of for places to go above and beyond to support the whole family, but Finding Rainbows does. 

My mum and dad and sister and husband are close, my mum needed support and she felt alone as she wanted to support me but was also grieving for her grandson, she felt pain for me, but also had her own pain. 

Finding Rainbows included my mum, which never usually happens s, she was, and still is made to feel welcome, important and valued, without that my mum and I may have really struggled in our communication and relationship, as I had so much anger. 

There is so much ta boo around baby loss and society, especially bereaved parents and families desperately desperately need a safe space to let out their pain anger, and be surrounded in a safe loving environment, and from experience those places are non-existent, especially in Tameside.

I know this because I looked, Finding Rainbows is the only charity locally in the while of Tameside who supports baby loss, they are the only charity who will visit you at home, meet you for a coffee, go for a walk with you, they will come to every single hospital appointment if you can't face walking in the door of a hospital alone, they will attend or even help organise appointments, no one else does this, and it's essential as those moments are hugely triggering and painful to have to go through, having finding Rainbows hold your hand through it makes it that bit easier to face. 

They are also the only ones who won't tell you how you should grieve, they know there are some, like us, who can't have more children, who can't adopt or foster, they know how terrified we are of our future. 

Most people run and hide from us as they don't k ow what to say or do, but not Natalie Lisa, what I appreciate is that they will never lie to me and tell me it will all work out, they will sit with me through it all right by my side and hold my hand no matter what.

Finding Rainbows is a place of love, safety, support which nowhere else provides. 

They are a place of sanctuary where one day you will feel guilt, pain, happiness other days you feel rage and feelings of hopelessness and on any of those days they will be there, holding your hand saying, "We’re here with you, you’re not alone we will do this with you and together." 

I honestly do not know what I would do without Finding rainbows, I'm sure my family, husband, and friends could tell you how I have found myself a bit more thanks to them, that they are no longer worried sick about me because of the help I have received from Finding Rainbows. 

They need to be shown support, they need and should be helped and to be valued, just like they do for everyone else.

I hope my letter gives even just a small I site to how much finding Rainbows means to me, and so many others. 

Sadly, life is very fragile, and people will lose babies, and children, in all stages of pregnancy and life, and luckily at the moment they have finding Rainbows, I very much hope that the future will always have finding Rainbows, if not so many people will have so much pain and loss, which will be unsupported, unspoken about and do so much harm.

Finding Rainbows must stay open and be able to support the bereaved families of Tameside, but it can only do that with help.