Talking about loss

When someone close to you loses a child, it can be difficult to find the right words to say. 

Sometimes there aren’t words to say. More often than not all your loved one wants is for you to sit and listen to them. There are no words that will stop their pain but being there in those moments when they need you can make a huge difference. Think about any practical help you can offer such as a food shop, cooking or looking after their other children The best thing you can do is to let them know you are there for them.  

From our experience we know that certain words and phrases, although meant well can hurt to hear a little such as:

'It will be okay, you can try again'  'It’s not so bad, you have one at home'   'At least you can conceive, others can’t' 'It wasn’t meant to be, everything happens for a reason'

It is important that we keep in mind the beliefs of both Mum and Dad, listen to their feelings and words. There is no path that is the same in grief, no quick solution. It can months or years for someone to get to a point where they feel they are able to cope with day to day life, with the way the world continues to turn while they are stuck in those moments of loss. 

 “Grief is as individual as a fingerprint” 

 “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass….It’s learning to Dance in the Rain”  

We never ‘get over’ the loss of a baby or child, regardless of when they leave us, how old they were or how they had to leave. We carry them with us, in every moment of every day. We remember them, we celebrate them, we mourn them and we never stop loving them. Every year, our grief changes and every year we change with it. 

Finding Rainbows are here with open arms to offer support, to listen and to help in any way that we are able. If there are signs that someone needs more support from other agencies will can and will refer to them, while offering support in relation to their bereavement..