Updated: Mar 3

The anticipation leading to up to this month brings emotions so raw and deep. I struggle to get through the days without crying. 

The month of March signifies the first time I saw you and held you. 

The memories and fear around your birth…but the sweet excitement of knowing you got transferred into intensive care baby unit. 

Because to me, that meant you were fighting the big fight to stay with me against all odds

March reminds me of… 

The smell of the flowers in the gardens outside the hospital where I would sit and wait till the doctor rounds were done so I could sit by your side.

March reminds me of…the knots in my stomach that would consume me when walking back onto the ward. 

What was they going to tell me is he doing well??

Are they going to say he needs another operation?? 

Panic would fill my mind. 

March reminds me of… 

The friends I made, a group of people whose hearts were full of love but fear for their babies journey too. 

The bonds we made will forever be treasured. 

March reminds me of…

The time I got my first Mother’s Day card from you “My only Mother’s Day card from you” 

Thanks to Stephanie, your nurse, she handmade it and gently pressed your tiny feet with ink onto the card. Now a tangible memory I can look at and hold. 

Placed perfectly in your memory box with other invaluable memories of you. 

March reminds me of… 

The medical staff who fought daily for you and the chaplaincy team who came to do blessing on you to help you through. 

I was never over religious but it’s funny how in times of need I reached out for something more, something so powerful, that would heal you and you would overcome all the medications, operations, and your breathing machine and the wires would be removed, as each day you would become stronger. 

I held this hope in my heart.

March reminds me of… 

The sound of machines bleeping. 

I learned more each day of medical information around what was happening with you to better my knowledge so we could understand the doctors and what they were doing for you. 

March reminds me of… 

Your first little wash and nappy change.

A very special moment etched on my heart. 

March reminds me of… 

Your first visit from your brother and sister and family members. 

March reminds me of…

Reading your story books and your Daddy doing the same every day for you. 

These are just a few things that March reminds me of…

but what it truly comes down to is the sweet memory of you.

My beautiful boy, Kaiden.